How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize