Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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