after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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