New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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