I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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