it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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