JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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