those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I want is dick and wine.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize