Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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