I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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