You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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