look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
