it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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