Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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