I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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