how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize