you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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