That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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