Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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