at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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