last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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