As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
