do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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