just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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