i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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