I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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