so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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