yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize