I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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