so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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