I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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