Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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