We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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