I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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