I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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