I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize