Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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