Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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