Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize