My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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