my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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