I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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