hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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