No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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