I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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