I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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