I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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