and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize