Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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