standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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