I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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