Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize