I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
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all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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